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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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Man, will you look at all the hot tail
running around this place?
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Look, look. Oh, God.
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Dad, listen, could you just... Please,
please don't embarrass me today, okay?
6
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- Embarrass you?
- Not today.
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Son, you spent the entire summer depressed
8
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because your girlfriend ran off
with that pretty boy, Trent.
9
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Now, you gotta get out there
and crush some ass!
10
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It's the only way to get
your mind off her.
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- Yes. Yes, that is what I'm talking about.
- Yes, huh?
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"Crush some ass"? Oh, come on.
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Wait, wait, wait.
14
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- I'll show you how it's done.
- Oh, no. No, no, no.
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- Watch this. Just watch and learn.
- Just please drive.
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Excuse me, ladies? Hi. Hi.
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- This is my son, Erik.
- Hi.
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And he's moving in today,
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and we were just wondering
if maybe either of you were interested
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in showing him a good time?
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No, thanks.
22
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I'm sorry.
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- He's a stallion, just like his old man!
- No, Dad, come on!
24
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Well, I tried, Erik.
25
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Yeah, thanks.
Now I'm gonna have to transfer.
26
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- Son, son?
- Yeah.
27
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I want to show you something.
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That is the list of all the chicks
I ever banged.
29
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Are you serious?
30
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,586
- Is that two-sided? It is! Nice!
- It is!
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00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:11,048
Yeah. It's a good goal for you to try
to keep up with your old man.
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Hey, Dad, why isn't Mom's name
the last name on the list there?
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We didn't tell you, but when you were three,
we had a trial separation for a week.
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Trial...
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Dad, there's like... Well,
there's 10 names here for that week alone.
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Yeah, I went on kind of
a poon-tang bender, there.
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Is that my mom's name?
38
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Yeah, you know, on second thought,
I'll just kind of hang on to that.
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Come on, guys. Let's get loaded here!
40
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- I'm sorry.
- Cooze, grab a box.
41
00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:39,826
- Did you have sex with his mom?
- Yeah.
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How was it?
43
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Wow! This place is amazing.
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Hi.
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God, there are girls everywhere.
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This is my room.
47
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It still kind of sucks
that we're not gonna be rooming together.
48
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,643
Dude, whatever.
You're gonna be right down the hall.
49
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Besides, I got a single.
50
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- Hold on to this. I'm gonna find a bathroom.
- All right.
51
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I'll be right back.
52
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Hi, how you doing?
Mike Coozeman. Glad to meet you.
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Wow. This is gonna
take some getting used to.
54
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Yeah, isn't this the guy's bathroom?
55
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No, it's coed.
All the dorms are like this.
56
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Cool, coed, yeah.
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Don't worry. I won't peek.
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Yeah, I won't peek...
I won't peek, either.
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- I'm Ashley, what's your name?
- I'm Erik.
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- Well, it's nice to meet you, Erik.
- It's nice to meet you, too.
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00:03:49,188 --> 00:03:53,317
Hey, do you think you could pass me
my shampoo? It's just right there.
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- Yeah. Just give me a minute here, okay?
- Thanks.
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00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,462
Erik?
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00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:17,633
Erik?
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A little help here?
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Ride the white whale, baby!
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Ride the white whale.
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00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:34,400
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, my God. Oh, man. I'm sorry.
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I'm sorry, the door was...
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- Hey, you must be Erik.
- I am.
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00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:38,279
- I'm Bobby.
- Hi.
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00:04:39,822 --> 00:04:41,699
- Come on in, man.
- No, no, no. It's...
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00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:44,826
- You guys are busy. I can come back later.
- Okay, listen. This is your place, too,
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00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:47,246
and don't worry about Margie.
She's not exactly shy.
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No, she's not.
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00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:52,418
- Sit down. You want a beer?
- No.
77
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- You sure?
- Yeah.
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00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:57,548
Are you hungry?
Margie cooked up some mean bratwurst.
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00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:01,593
- No, I just had a sandwich. Thanks.
- All right.
80
00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,721
- Where're you from?
- East Great Falls.
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00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,389
East Great Falls.
82
00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:10,394
Slow down, sassy pants.
83
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,896
All right, baby?
I'm trying to have a conversation.
84
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,148
Yeah.
85
00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:19,320
- College! Yeah! Best years of our lives!
- Yeah.
86
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:20,904
Put it up.
87
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,074
- Oh, high...
- High-five.
88
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,744
You wanna jump in on this?
89
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,203
- Come on. Margie loves it.
- No, no, no. Margie, no, no.
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00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,123
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, I'm good.
91
00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:34,251
Look, it was very nice to meet you,
Bobby and Margie.
92
00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,377
Actually, I just came
to change my pants here.
93
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,714
I spilled a drink on it earlier
94
00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:43,135
Are you role-playing again?
95
00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:47,222
Say the safe word, baby. Say the safe...
Baby? Are you choking?
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00:05:47,306 --> 00:05:49,141
- Dude, I think she's choking!
- What?
97
00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:50,725
I think she's choking.
You gotta do something.
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- Do something.
- I can't do anything!
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00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:54,313
I'm tied up and basted
like a Thanksgiving turkey.
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00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,899
- Hold on. From the spot.
- Come on
101
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,192
- Oh.
- Breathe.
102
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What do you want me to do with all this...
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00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:01,070
Get out!
104
00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:02,821
- Erik? No!
- Sorry.
105
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,491
All right, son!
106
00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:09,161
Yeah! That's what being
a Stifler's all about.
107
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,245
- No, no, no. She was choking.
- That's it!
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- I was helping her.
- That's how Stiflers do college.
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00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:15,501
Now, let's just give
these kids some privacy.
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Doing good. Keep it up.
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I'm not trying to freak you out, roomie,
but I just totally came.
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Hey, ladies.
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00:06:54,415 --> 00:07:01,130
Is this where
Laura Johnson and Sara Coleman live?
114
00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:05,342
Yeah, I'm Laura Johnson
and this is my roommate, Sara.
115
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:07,150
My name is Dwight Stifler.
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I'm here with the
Freshman Welcoming Committee,
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00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:11,335
and I've been given instructions
to escort you ladies
118
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on a guided tour of the entire campus.
119
00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:16,103
- That's so sweet.
- Yeah.
120
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:18,480
Should we wear anything special?
121
00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:25,070
Dude, there is no way that everybody
in this is a student here.
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Look, he's holding her boob.
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He is.
124
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:32,453
No, man, they are.
I've had a subscription for, like, a year.
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That'll be good.
126
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:37,249
That's not a cologne ad.
127
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:40,836
I've used that exact issue
more times than I can count.
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You smell pretty.
129
00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:51,597
- Sorry.
- That was so uncalled for.
130
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- Wow.
- Is this Erik Stifler's room?
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Yeah.
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00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:08,280
Welcome to college, boys.
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00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:12,033
Yeah. No, I wouldn't lie to you.
I'm dead serious.
134
00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:15,036
Most sororities won't even give you a bid
unless you've had a threesome.
135
00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:17,205
It shows that you work well
within the group dynamic,
136
00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:18,873
and that you're really prepared
for sisterhood.
137
00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:19,833
You know what I'm saying?
138
00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,460
- Really?
- Yeah.
139
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:22,794
Oh, man. Who is this guy?
140
00:08:22,878 --> 00:08:25,506
Dude, he's the reason we came
to college here.
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00:08:28,217 --> 00:08:29,426
Here we are, boys.
142
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,470
Oh, man, she's hot.
143
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,429
- You like that?
- That was awesome.
144
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I like to give a little bit back
every now and then.
145
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- Hey, hey, shower buddy!
- Oh, hey. Hi.
146
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:40,771
Shower buddy?
147
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,815
Yeah, Erik and I met
when I was showering this afternoon.
148
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- Really?
- Yeah.
149
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:47,985
Oh, right, the coed bathrooms. Yeah.
150
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:50,029
It took me about three years
to get the board of trustees
151
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,324
to approve that one. Worth it.
152
00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,076
Oh, Ashley, hi. This...
153
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:56,745
Everyone, this is Ashley.
Ashley, this is everyone.
154
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:57,928
Hi, everybody.
155
00:08:57,955 --> 00:09:00,832
This is my roommate, Denise.
She just came here from Georgia.
156
00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:02,584
Hey, y'all.
157
00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:06,004
Well, I do declare,
a real life Scarlett O'Hara.
158
00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:07,188
Oh, my.
159
00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:08,923
Well, hey, you guys aren't taking off,
are you?
160
00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:12,243
Yeah, we're going to this cocktail mixer
at the Epsilon Sigma Kappa House.
161
00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:15,347
Oh, no, no, no. The Geek House?
No, trust me.
162
00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:18,058
- I wanna stay but...
- But we promised, so...
163
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:21,687
Plus, Ashley thinks this party
is a little bit déclassé.
164
00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:22,980
What? Like sleazy?
165
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,941
Hey, baby. How you doing, sweetheart?
Grab a beer.
166
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,733
No, you got the wrong idea
about this whole thing.
167
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,611
Look, this is just a little meet and greet
that I set up to, sort of,
168
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:32,280
you know, demonstrate our school spirit
169
00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:34,825
and our, you know,
dedication to this university.
170
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,952
Beta House fucking rules!
171
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,045
Real classy.
172
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,298
- Erik, it was really nice to see you again.
- Yeah.
173
00:09:50,299 --> 00:09:52,217
- Guys, till next time.
- Yeah, see you.
174
00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:53,635
- Bye, guys.
- Bye.
175
00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:55,554
- It's nice to meet you.
- See you.
176
00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:58,557
Hey, Stifler,
what's up with this Geek House?
177
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,050
Yeah, I never even heard of it.
178
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:04,980
I know a Geek house sounds harmless,
but they are a nightmare.
179
00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:07,356
They were a social club for decades,
180
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:10,527
till a group of rich geeks came in
and threw some money around,
181
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:12,237
built the house, got a new charter.
182
00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:13,739
A geek fraternity?
183
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,991
To get in,
you need, like, perfect SAT scores.
184
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,201
Transfer $2 million to my Swiss account.
185
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:21,872
Then they check your family tree
and calculate future earnings potential.
186
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:25,626
No, I said buy at 60, not sell at 60.
You're fucking fired!
187
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,461
They got billionaire alumni.
188
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:28,837
Hey, it's only 100 grand.
189
00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:33,759
They run the student government,
and the faculty loves them.
190
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,845
But don't even get me started
on the women.
191
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:41,391
They attract the hottest women
from the entire school.
192
00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:45,395
Who wants to hang out
with a house full of geeks?
193
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:47,439
It's a new world out there.
194
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:50,386
These women realize that the geeks
are gonna be the millionaires
195
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:51,943
right out of school.
196
00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:54,279
They've just adjusted
their nesting habits.
197
00:10:57,449 --> 00:11:00,410
Hey, don't sweat it.
Beta's still where the party's at, right?
198
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:05,999
Look out!
Stifler, the judging's about to begin.
199
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:09,810
Judging?
200
00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:22,015
Oh, the Beta House never disappoints.
201
00:11:22,099 --> 00:11:25,602
- Are you serious? It's always like this?
- All the time.
202
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:29,189
- These girls are ridiculous.
- Ridiculous.
203
00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:30,941
Get the clipboard.
204
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:40,867
Sweetie, you are naughty.
I am keeping you after class.
205
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:45,163
Bring that ruler. I've also been bad.
206
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,375
And this one over here's got great abs.
207
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:51,503
They look like fresh buttered rolls
right out of the oven.
208
00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:54,214
This is the best idea I've ever had!
209
00:11:56,967 --> 00:12:00,513
- No, I just... I can't handle it.
- This is chicken scratch. You're a caveman.
210
00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:12,607
She's pulling them out.
She's pulling them out.
211
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,530
Perfect 10!
212
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:24,828
- Beta! Beta!
- Beta! Beta!
213
00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:32,127
Ladies and gentlemen,
depravity is haunting this university.
214
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:37,215
Sex, alcohol, vulgarity, stupidity.
215
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:41,762
Once, this was a respected institution
of higher learning.
216
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:44,973
We are declaring a new age
at this university.
217
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,474
An age in which a student's worth
218
00:12:46,475 --> 00:12:49,227
is no longer measured
by his blood alcohol level,
219
00:12:49,311 --> 00:12:52,147
but rather, his GPA.
220
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:57,194
We formed this fraternity to change the way
geeks are thought of in this country.
221
00:12:57,861 --> 00:13:01,448
But as history has proven,
222
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:04,493
for a new civilization to emerge,
223
00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:07,329
another must crumble.
224
00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:12,876
We must destroy the Betas.
225
00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:23,094
Hey, Stacey, my hands are wet.
I can't get this beer open.
226
00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:24,513
Will you do it for me?
227
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:34,397
Thanks. Those Kegel muscle exercises
are really paying off, huh?
228
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:37,025
So what do we have to do to become Betas?
229
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,778
Well, obviously,
you guys are cool with me.
230
00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:42,271
What you need to do
is impress the rush chair, Wesley.
231
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,531
- Have you guys met Wesley?
- Uh-uh.
232
00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:45,032
You haven't? All right.
He's in the other room.
233
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,806
Come on, I'll introduce you. Follow me.
234
00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:54,754
Don't be fooled by his appearance.
235
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:58,088
His nickname is the Blackout Menace.
236
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,172
He's a perfect student,
237
00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:01,423
except for his habit
of getting belligerently drunk,
238
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:04,678
blacking out,
causing complete and total mayhem,
239
00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:06,596
and never remembering a thing.
240
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:21,194
Excuse me. Where is this plane going to?
241
00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:23,071
Detroit.
242
00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:25,866
Thank God.
243
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:31,663
All right, excuse me.
Where is it coming from?
244
00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:33,081
Bangkok.
245
00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:39,796
- Whose kid is that?
- Yours. You adopted him yesterday.
246
00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,549
Congratulations.
247
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:46,360
Hey, buddy.
248
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,223
Are you serious?
249
00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:54,269
Yep, just dropped Sung Lee off
at their embassy this last week.
250
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,606
Kid nearly caused
an international incident.
251
00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,149
Wesley!
252
00:14:59,858 --> 00:15:03,820
Sorry to interrupt.
Wesley, this is my cousin and his buddies.
253
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,697
- Hi.
- Hey.
254
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:07,198
- Erik, right?
- Yeah.
255
00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:10,410
Mike Coozeman.
How come we didn't see you last year?
256
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:13,788
I was in a Mexican jail.
I had to tunnel my way out.
257
00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:18,001
But I made it back in time for finals
which is what we're all about here at Beta,
258
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,586
education.
259
00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:21,437
Right.
260
00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:23,131
- You wanna dance?
- Yeah.
261
00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:25,967
Let's get sexy.
262
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,888
Hey, you ready?
263
00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:33,558
There's a hundred hot horny chicks
here tonight. I'm counting on you.
264
00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:54,955
Get some, baby! Get some!
265
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:13,932
Call me irresponsible
266
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:17,352
Call me unreliable
267
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,438
Oh, you gotta be kidding me!
268
00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:26,111
Are you gonna start drinking?
Because I desperately need a wing man.
269
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:29,823
No, I'm not drinking tonight, Bull.
I had a rough night last week.
270
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:32,951
Oh, really? Really? That's fine.
271
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:36,370
Because then I just might have
to tell these fine, young ladies
272
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:40,125
about a certain frat boy
and a Mexican transvestite!
273
00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:41,663
All right, all right, all right.
274
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,212
One drink.
275
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,007
Yeah, just one.
276
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,237
What the hell's with you, man?
277
00:17:10,238 --> 00:17:13,616
Can you not see all this prime ass
a foot from your face?
278
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,952
Yeah, man, I see. It's...
It's pretty cool.
279
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:18,997
Yeah, it's cool.
You should be tearing it up!
280
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,040
You guys, it's just...
281
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:22,499
Remember last year? We came up here,
I had the time of my life.
282
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:25,879
You know, I did stuff I never would
have dreamed I would've ever done,
283
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,546
and I kind of figured it would change me.
284
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:30,467
Yeah, okay.
So you got drunk and you ran naked, right?
285
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,844
But you blew it
with a really hot sorority chick
286
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:35,137
to run home and have sex
with your little girlfriend.
287
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:37,347
Yeah, Erik. That stunt might
have won you points in high school,
288
00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:39,350
- but this isn't high school.
- No.
289
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:40,727
I guess you guys are right.
290
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:43,730
Listen, college is your one chance
to start over. Okay?
291
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:47,275
You get to hit the reset button on life.
You get to be anybody you wanna be.
292
00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:51,404
- Never thought of it like that before.
- Yeah. Here, slug that.
293
00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:57,827
- That a boy. Julie, this is my cousin, Erik.
- Hey.
294
00:17:57,952 --> 00:18:00,913
I just wanted you to know Erik voted
for you in the hottie contest,
295
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:03,233
and since he's, like,
the ladies' man of the family,
296
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,293
I totally trust his taste.
297
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,003
Thanks, cutie.
298
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:10,006
- You want to dance, gorgeous?
- I'd love to.
299
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:13,510
Anybody you wanna be. Yeah.
300
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:27,065
Wow, you can really put that away.
301
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:29,526
You kidding me?
This stuff is like water to me.
302
00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:37,950
Hey, hey, everybody,
settle down for a second!
303
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:40,245
We're just having
a little, minor technical glitch.
304
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,872
No big deal.
We'll get everything fixed up in a minute.
305
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,751
I don't think so, Stifler!
306
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:50,255
You see,
you overloaded your prehistoric circuits.
307
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:53,338
I'm afraid your music won't be coming on
for the rest of the night.
308
00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:56,594
Don't... Don't listen to him.
We'll get everything fixed in a minute.
309
00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:59,430
That won't matter
because by Jake's calculations,
310
00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:01,766
based on the amount
of kegs and liquor you bought,
311
00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:05,103
you should be running out, just about now.
312
00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:07,897
- Bullshit.
- The fucking kegs are dry!
313
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:11,609
We're out of fucking booze!
314
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:14,946
I know!
315
00:19:15,029 --> 00:19:17,365
Settle down! It's fine.
We'll make a beer run.
316
00:19:17,448 --> 00:19:18,950
They could do that,
317
00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:23,454
or you can all come to the Geek House where
we have enough liquor to last a week,
318
00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:26,374
along with all the champagne
you can drink.
319
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:32,046
We also have a heated pool
and enough swimsuits for everyone.
320
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,424
That is, if you even want to wear one.
321
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:35,675
Yeah!
322
00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:41,472
Are you fucking kidding me?
323
00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:43,349
Oh, it's your choice, people.
324
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,935
- Stay here and get puked on...
- Okay, I'm out of here.
325
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,730
- So sorry...
- Or come party, VIP style.
326
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,398
All right!
327
00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:03,161
Fucking Edgar.
328
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:07,832
Prick really knows how
to throw that money around, huh?
329
00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:09,584
Oh, yeah.
330
00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:12,753
Oh, but it doesn't help that numbnuts here
barfed all over the chicks, either.
331
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,255
Yeah.
332
00:20:14,339 --> 00:20:17,425
- Sorry about that.
- You look disgusting.
333
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:23,431
- Erik, for crying out loud, man!
- I'll clean it up.
334
00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:33,024
Not again.
335
00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:39,113
Morning, sexy.
336
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,369
Some party, huh?
337
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,871
Hey, baby. How you doing?
338
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:50,541
No. No, no, no.
339
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,713
How you feeling there, cuz?
340
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,508
A lot better. Thanks.
341
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:01,219
No need for thanks, we're family.
342
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,178
Right now, I gotta run.
I gotta go down to the basement,
343
00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:05,556
take care of some official Beta business.
344
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,059
- Have some of Peaches' eggs.
- Okay.
345
00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:10,103
All right. Thanks, Peaches.
346
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:12,871
Oh, buddy.
347
00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:19,112
- I love this place.
- That a boy!
348
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:21,572
- Yeah.
- Off the hook! Work it!
349
00:21:21,656 --> 00:21:23,449
So, guys, the hard-on champ is in?
350
00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:24,633
- Yeah!
- All right.
351
00:21:24,659 --> 00:21:26,160
Aye, aye.
352
00:21:29,914 --> 00:21:31,958
Yeah, I love this guy.
353
00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:33,918
Beta? I love Beta!
354
00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:36,963
He had the best rack at the party...
355
00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:38,923
I fucking love Beta, baby!
356
00:21:40,174 --> 00:21:42,343
Shut up! Shut up! Everyone calm down.
357
00:21:42,427 --> 00:21:43,844
I told you I didn't want to drink.
358
00:21:43,845 --> 00:21:46,556
Look how the pig squeals!
Look how the pig squeals!
359
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:48,349
All in favor of Bobby Coolidge?
360
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:49,600
- Everyone.
- Aye, aye.
361
00:21:49,684 --> 00:21:51,019
- Aye, aye.
- Aye, aye.
362
00:21:53,396 --> 00:21:55,356
All right, all right.
363
00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:58,234
- Oh, man!
- Jesus!
364
00:21:59,193 --> 00:22:00,445
Holy crap! Wow!
365
00:22:00,528 --> 00:22:03,114
Man, this guy really knows
how to work a room.
366
00:22:03,197 --> 00:22:05,575
Give him a bid.
He'll be a pussy magnet, buddy.
367
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,243
Yeah!
368
00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:11,998
Oh, no!
369
00:22:12,081 --> 00:22:16,002
Hey, hey, hey!
All right, that's my cousin. Take it easy.
370
00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:20,798
No offense, brother, okay? But I don't know
if your cousin is up for the challenge, man.
371
00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:24,093
I'm with Bull on this one.
I mean, he's a nice kid,
372
00:22:24,177 --> 00:22:26,971
but he passed up sleeping
with Brandy, man.
373
00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:28,765
All right, all right, all right.
374
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:31,725
Look, I know Erik missed his big chance
to, like, sleep with the one girl
375
00:22:31,726 --> 00:22:34,728
that, I'm assuming, everybody in this room
would lop off your left nut to bang.
376
00:22:34,729 --> 00:22:36,356
- Am I right?
- Two nuts.
377
00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:38,065
All right, does that mean
he's not Beta material?
378
00:22:38,066 --> 00:22:39,650
- Yes!
- Yeah!
379
00:22:39,734 --> 00:22:44,197
He was young and dumb and in love.
He's a... He's a late bloomer.
380
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,239
I think he's gonna surprise you
this semester.
381
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,742
And anyway, he's a legacy,
so he's automatically getting a bid.
382
00:22:48,743 --> 00:22:50,703
So you can all fuck off.
383
00:22:51,245 --> 00:22:53,289
- Aye.
- Aye, aye!
384
00:22:53,373 --> 00:22:55,541
Yeah, that's what I thought, bitches.
385
00:23:03,216 --> 00:23:05,259
- Hey, you.
- Hi.
386
00:23:05,343 --> 00:23:08,429
- We have to stop meeting like this.
- Yeah.
387
00:23:11,182 --> 00:23:14,769
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I just had a really rough night.
388
00:23:16,437 --> 00:23:20,441
You know, I think Denise has
a crush on your friend, Cooze.
389
00:23:20,525 --> 00:23:22,276
She thinks he's sweet.
390
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:25,238
- Denise thinks Cooze is sweet?
- Yeah.
391
00:23:30,952 --> 00:23:32,453
- Wait, actually...
- Erik, I...
392
00:23:32,537 --> 00:23:35,790
- I was thinking...
- Look, I'm just thinking...
393
00:23:35,873 --> 00:23:38,960
- Do you wanna go out with me once?
- Yeah.
394
00:23:39,210 --> 00:23:42,380
- Really?
- Yeah. That would be really nice.
395
00:23:42,463 --> 00:23:45,883
Okay, keep...
You have really pretty teeth, by the way.
396
00:24:01,274 --> 00:24:02,608
What's going on?
397
00:24:02,692 --> 00:24:04,485
Oh, man. This sucks.
398
00:24:05,111 --> 00:24:08,156
Hey, guys. Don't go that way.
This way's quicker.
399
00:24:09,323 --> 00:24:12,285
I was just dreaming
about this great sandwich.
400
00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:20,418
- Wait a second. Where are we?
- I don't see any sandwiches here.
401
00:24:20,501 --> 00:24:23,504
Hey, guys. You wanna see something?
402
00:24:26,716 --> 00:24:28,718
- Yes.
- That is...
403
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:46,861
Gentlemen,
404
00:24:47,445 --> 00:24:50,698
today is the first day
of the rest of your lives.
405
00:24:50,781 --> 00:24:55,953
You are the select few who have
been chosen to pledge the Beta House.
406
00:24:56,037 --> 00:24:57,663
Beta, baby!
407
00:25:00,750 --> 00:25:06,130
Now, most fraternities do the pledging
thing a little bit differently than we do.
408
00:25:06,214 --> 00:25:10,551
Most pledging consists
of hate-filled mental and physical hazing
409
00:25:10,635 --> 00:25:12,136
designed to break you down.
410
00:25:12,220 --> 00:25:14,013
But here at Beta,
411
00:25:14,096 --> 00:25:19,477
I, Dwight Stifler, your pledge master,
have devised an elaborate scientific plan
412
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,688
to build teamwork and brotherhood.
413
00:25:24,565 --> 00:25:27,401
Gentlemen, I give you your pledge board.
414
00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:33,199
On this pledge board are 50 tasks
415
00:25:33,282 --> 00:25:36,410
that you and your pledge brothers
must complete by semester's end
416
00:25:36,494 --> 00:25:38,246
if you want to become Betas.
417
00:25:38,329 --> 00:25:40,456
To start things off,
418
00:25:40,540 --> 00:25:44,460
I say we begin with my personal favorite,
number 37.
419
00:25:54,428 --> 00:25:55,679
Okay, so here's the low-down.
420
00:25:55,680 --> 00:26:01,727
One of you has got to get your ass signed
by a stripper with photo proof. All right?
421
00:26:02,603 --> 00:26:04,104
All right, we're gonna go get a drink.
422
00:26:04,105 --> 00:26:05,205
- Wesley...
- Yeah.
423
00:26:05,231 --> 00:26:07,358
Don't bother us.
424
00:26:09,777 --> 00:26:12,280
Okay, who's gonna try and do this?
425
00:26:13,489 --> 00:26:17,743
Oh, you guys, I got this. Who's got a pen?
That'll do.
426
00:26:21,455 --> 00:26:25,042
Hey, baby, how's about signing my ass
while I'm up here?
427
00:26:32,633 --> 00:26:34,861
- She got Cooze! We gotta help him!
- Wait, Bobby.
428
00:26:36,679 --> 00:26:38,639
Down goes fatty!
429
00:26:40,558 --> 00:26:42,560
Stripper brawl!
430
00:26:45,104 --> 00:26:47,189
Stifler, we need some help!
431
00:26:47,565 --> 00:26:50,359
Oh, cousin got clothes-lined.
That's a shame.
432
00:26:54,322 --> 00:26:56,699
That's gonna leave a big bruise.
433
00:27:01,245 --> 00:27:03,623
Those girls are wild tonight.
434
00:27:05,875 --> 00:27:08,669
I used to fuck girls like you in prison.
435
00:27:10,838 --> 00:27:14,467
- Oh, I love a good stripper brawl.
- Who doesn't?
436
00:27:15,676 --> 00:27:19,347
- She started it!
- Here's your fuckin' shoe!
437
00:27:19,972 --> 00:27:21,557
What? I didn't do anything.
438
00:27:21,641 --> 00:27:24,809
You charged that stripper with a pen
like you were going to shove it in her ass.
439
00:27:24,810 --> 00:27:26,687
Maybe if her panties
smelled like waffles,
440
00:27:26,771 --> 00:27:28,104
then you would have done something...
441
00:27:28,105 --> 00:27:29,315
Guys, shut up. Shut up!
442
00:27:29,398 --> 00:27:31,108
- Fat. Say it, dude.
- Fat idiot?
443
00:27:32,318 --> 00:27:33,277
There you go.
Bad things happen to...
444
00:27:33,361 --> 00:27:37,323
- Hey there, gorgeous. You work here?
- Yeah, sweetie.
445
00:27:37,490 --> 00:27:39,672
You see,
we're pledging the Beta House right now,
446
00:27:39,742 --> 00:27:43,287
and one of our tasks
is to get our ass signed by a...
447
00:27:43,371 --> 00:27:46,040
A professional dancer like yourself.
448
00:27:46,123 --> 00:27:49,877
So I was just, you know, wondering
if maybe you'd do me the honor?
449
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:53,631
That's a different approach
than the boys usually take in this place.
450
00:27:53,714 --> 00:27:55,841
- Bend over.
- Thanks.
451
00:27:55,925 --> 00:27:57,635
My name's Erik Stifler, by the way.
452
00:27:57,718 --> 00:28:00,137
Let me get one for the year book.
453
00:28:03,766 --> 00:28:04,866
Nice smile.
454
00:28:04,892 --> 00:28:08,145
- You have any relation to Dwight Stifler?
- He's my cousin.
455
00:28:08,229 --> 00:28:11,023
- Hey, Stifler.
- Candy. How are you, sweetheart?
456
00:28:11,107 --> 00:28:12,692
Good to see you.
457
00:28:12,775 --> 00:28:15,361
I can see where he gets his charm from.
458
00:28:15,444 --> 00:28:18,698
- You come see me soon, okay?
- You know I will.
459
00:28:18,781 --> 00:28:21,659
All right, boys.
Hey, congratulations. Task 37.
460
00:28:21,742 --> 00:28:23,828
- In the bag! Done!
- Yeah.
461
00:28:23,953 --> 00:28:27,331
Good job, boys.
That's our first task completed.
462
00:28:27,665 --> 00:28:30,668
I think that stripper's
implant broke my face.
463
00:28:42,096 --> 00:28:43,196
Task 15 is go.
464
00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:50,646
Steal an ostrich.
465
00:28:50,730 --> 00:28:53,899
- Have sex in the dean's office.
- Serenade a woman at the 901.
466
00:28:53,983 --> 00:28:57,777
- Drink a gallon of milk without pissing.
- Do a traditional dance at the international.
467
00:28:57,778 --> 00:29:00,733
- Open an illegal casino.
- Drive down to Mexico and get a tattoo.
468
00:29:00,740 --> 00:29:03,409
Get so drunk, you piss your pants.
469
00:29:37,234 --> 00:29:39,153
Sweet Caesar's ghost!
470
00:29:46,994 --> 00:29:49,622
Fifteen, check.
471
00:29:49,705 --> 00:29:51,832
Sixteen, check.
472
00:30:11,769 --> 00:30:14,522
- Who's that guy?
- He's my Swahili instructor.
473
00:30:14,605 --> 00:30:16,607
I have my proficiency exam next week.
474
00:30:16,690 --> 00:30:18,150
- Nice!
- Yeah.
475
00:30:18,234 --> 00:30:21,904
Hey, what's...
What's this golden hammer doing in here?
476
00:30:21,987 --> 00:30:24,573
It's from the Greek Olympiad.
477
00:30:24,657 --> 00:30:28,118
It was, like, a series of competitions
involving skill and deviant behavior.
478
00:30:28,202 --> 00:30:31,288
They got really out of hand,
so the university banned them for life.
479
00:30:31,372 --> 00:30:33,540
The Betas were legendary at them, though.
We never lost.
480
00:30:33,541 --> 00:30:35,543
- Cool. Yeah.
- Yeah.
481
00:30:35,876 --> 00:30:38,212
Oh, and remember, Erik...
482
00:30:46,512 --> 00:30:47,721
Yeah.
483
00:30:51,976 --> 00:30:53,076
Swahili.
484
00:30:54,728 --> 00:30:57,314
- This place is swell, isn't it?
- Yeah.
485
00:30:57,398 --> 00:30:58,774
Look at how juicy.
486
00:30:59,859 --> 00:31:01,527
Sucking the crab? Wow.
487
00:31:01,610 --> 00:31:04,405
- This place is fun.
- Yeah. Yeah, this place is awesome.
488
00:31:04,488 --> 00:31:06,574
I thought you'd like it here, you know.
489
00:31:07,950 --> 00:31:09,702
I like this mallet.
490
00:31:12,162 --> 00:31:15,916
- Oh, my God. Are you okay? Here.
- It's all right.
491
00:31:16,876 --> 00:31:18,419
It doesn't really taste that bad.
492
00:31:19,587 --> 00:31:22,506
Dude, I'm telling you,
this chick can't get enough of me.
493
00:31:22,590 --> 00:31:24,466
I did her again last night!
494
00:31:24,550 --> 00:31:27,511
Oh, I can't believe that. You're the man!
495
00:31:27,595 --> 00:31:29,138
I think I know that girl.
496
00:31:29,221 --> 00:31:31,358
You know,
not all frat guys are like those guys.
497
00:31:31,432 --> 00:31:33,851
I know. I guess I just
have a jaded opinion.
498
00:31:33,934 --> 00:31:35,853
Really? Why's that?
499
00:31:35,936 --> 00:31:37,855
It's just the typical story.
500
00:31:37,938 --> 00:31:40,816
Boy meets girl.
Boy goes off to college, joins a frat,
501
00:31:40,900 --> 00:31:42,673
starts sleeping with every girl he can.
502
00:31:42,735 --> 00:31:45,988
Girl finds out
and dumps his ass during winter break.
503
00:31:46,739 --> 00:31:49,032
But that was high school.
I'm much older and wiser now.
504
00:31:49,033 --> 00:31:53,370
Right, older and wiser. And you're on a date
with a guy who's pledging a frat.
505
00:31:53,454 --> 00:31:55,998
I know, and I'm watching you.
506
00:31:56,624 --> 00:31:57,724
- Dine and ditch.
- Yeah.
507
00:31:57,791 --> 00:31:59,791
That's, like,
one of my favorite plays of...
508
00:32:00,085 --> 00:32:02,630
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God! Are you okay?
509
00:32:03,797 --> 00:32:05,215
Little help here!
510
00:32:10,220 --> 00:32:12,306
You are just the sweetest.
511
00:32:13,849 --> 00:32:16,352
You just bring it out in me, babe.
512
00:32:20,022 --> 00:32:22,274
- Perfect.
- Yeah?
513
00:32:26,153 --> 00:32:29,990
- Careful, my feet are real sensitive.
- Really?
514
00:32:39,667 --> 00:32:41,001
Oh, my.
515
00:32:42,670 --> 00:32:45,005
I love foot massages.
516
00:32:48,842 --> 00:32:50,010
Oh, my!
517
00:33:03,190 --> 00:33:04,692
I can't!
518
00:33:12,032 --> 00:33:14,952
- I'm sorry.
- No, that's cool.
519
00:33:15,577 --> 00:33:17,788
It's totally fine, really.
520
00:33:19,415 --> 00:33:24,253
Here, let me just take care of you.
521
00:33:25,504 --> 00:33:26,880
Okay.
522
00:33:37,182 --> 00:33:39,393
- You like that?
- God, yeah.
523
00:33:40,019 --> 00:33:42,229
You do that almost as good as I do.
524
00:33:50,904 --> 00:33:52,698
How're you feeling?
525
00:33:52,948 --> 00:33:55,909
Hey. Good, thanks.
526
00:33:55,993 --> 00:33:57,266
- Here, let me see.
- Oh, no.
527
00:33:57,327 --> 00:33:59,162
No, no. Ashley, it's...
You really don't need to do anything.
528
00:33:59,163 --> 00:34:01,623
Oh, my God, Erik.
You have to put something on that.
529
00:34:01,707 --> 00:34:03,667
No, it's just a little red.
530
00:34:04,209 --> 00:34:05,753
Here, let me.
531
00:34:08,255 --> 00:34:10,424
It's really not necessary...
532
00:34:13,093 --> 00:34:15,763
- Does it hurt?
- No, it's just really cold.
533
00:34:17,723 --> 00:34:20,768
- Does that feel better?
- Yeah.
534
00:34:26,106 --> 00:34:27,816
- Oh, man!
- I didn't even touch it.
535
00:34:28,650 --> 00:34:29,902
No, it's no big deal.
536
00:34:29,985 --> 00:34:32,111
I guess I should just
take it as a compliment, right?
537
00:34:32,112 --> 00:34:34,865
- I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm sorry.
- It's cool.
538
00:34:36,742 --> 00:34:38,786
Wow, that cream feels good.
539
00:34:39,620 --> 00:34:41,497
Ash, you might wanna...
540
00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:42,873
Just relax.
541
00:34:43,415 --> 00:34:44,708
It's still hot.
542
00:35:13,237 --> 00:35:15,697
Oh, my God! Mr. Biggles!
543
00:35:25,124 --> 00:35:28,836
- This is really, really embarrassing.
- No, it's okay. It's okay.
544
00:35:28,919 --> 00:35:32,256
I just haven't seen anything like that.
545
00:35:32,339 --> 00:35:35,175
Well, I was a virgin until last year,
546
00:35:35,259 --> 00:35:39,805
and then my girlfriend dumped me
about four months ago.
547
00:35:41,056 --> 00:35:45,060
Okay. Wait, wait, wait.
Are you telling me that you haven't...
548
00:35:46,145 --> 00:35:47,896
In four months?
549
00:35:47,980 --> 00:35:53,527
Well, you see, there was this incident
that made masturbation
550
00:35:55,028 --> 00:35:58,073
very taboo in my household.
551
00:35:58,490 --> 00:36:01,827
Well, you have more self-control
than most people.
552
00:36:03,203 --> 00:36:05,205
I'm really sorry about Mr. Biggles.
553
00:36:06,165 --> 00:36:07,374
Yeah.
554
00:36:12,296 --> 00:36:14,339
- Just a little... Right.
- No, it's...
555
00:36:16,633 --> 00:36:18,594
- Oh, baby, I love you.
- Whoa.
556
00:36:18,677 --> 00:36:20,553
Baby, why won't you tell me
you love me, too?
557
00:36:20,554 --> 00:36:24,641
- Hey, Bull. Have you seen Stifler?
- He's in a meeting.
558
00:36:24,725 --> 00:36:28,061
- What meeting would he be at?
- I don't know. Something important.
559
00:36:28,353 --> 00:36:30,814
And it was after my parents...
560
00:36:30,898 --> 00:36:35,277
Well, they had to fire
the fourth landscaping crew
561
00:36:37,321 --> 00:36:39,489
because they caught me with them.
562
00:36:39,573 --> 00:36:44,244
And that's when I knew
that I had a problem.
563
00:36:44,912 --> 00:36:49,625
But I have been sex-free for two years now
564
00:36:49,708 --> 00:36:52,669
and, you know, never felt better.
565
00:36:59,593 --> 00:37:01,595
You are so brave.
566
00:37:03,931 --> 00:37:08,185
Get it in there! Yeah! Faster! Faster!
567
00:37:08,268 --> 00:37:11,939
- I'm going as fast as I can.
- Faster, bad boy!
568
00:37:15,108 --> 00:37:17,069
Faster, I said!
569
00:37:18,237 --> 00:37:20,101
- I think I'm gonna...
- It's gonna break!
570
00:37:21,198 --> 00:37:22,866
Yes! Yes!
571
00:37:23,408 --> 00:37:24,508
God, yes.
572
00:37:27,496 --> 00:37:29,164
Oh, boy.
573
00:37:40,425 --> 00:37:41,843
You call yourself a man?
574
00:37:41,927 --> 00:37:45,264
Get back here and fuck me!
575
00:37:47,349 --> 00:37:51,311
Okay, okay. All right, listen.
I just did three times, okay?
576
00:37:51,395 --> 00:37:55,983
I'm gonna go get an icepack
and then I'll be right back.
577
00:37:56,066 --> 00:38:01,238
You know the secret,
icepacks are for pussies!
578
00:38:02,781 --> 00:38:05,993
Oh, your friend. He wants to come play!
579
00:38:06,076 --> 00:38:08,245
I'm going to see you again!
580
00:38:11,957 --> 00:38:13,834
- I'm a grizzly bear!
- You're bad.
581
00:38:13,917 --> 00:38:17,379
I'm gonna steal a picnic basket
full of orgasms.
582
00:38:18,505 --> 00:38:20,549
Okay, lay your head back.
Lay your head back.
583
00:38:20,632 --> 00:38:23,593
Ready? Are you ready for it?
Let's go, all right?
584
00:38:23,677 --> 00:38:28,765
Hands and feet inside the tram.
Next stop, penetration station, baby.
585
00:38:32,352 --> 00:38:34,104
Hey, get back here!
586
00:38:37,357 --> 00:38:39,067
Stifler, I forgot to tell you...
587
00:38:41,445 --> 00:38:45,741
- Get your ass over here, punk.
- Okay.
588
00:38:52,122 --> 00:38:55,542
Oh, dude. On her teddy bear? Really?
589
00:38:55,834 --> 00:38:58,295
Dude, he hasn't busted a nut
in, like, four months.
590
00:38:58,378 --> 00:38:59,712
What do you think I should do?
591
00:38:59,713 --> 00:39:01,548
- Man, you gotta beat the bishop.
- Yeah.
592
00:39:01,631 --> 00:39:05,302
- You need to punch that clown. A lot.
- What are you talking about?
593
00:39:06,762 --> 00:39:09,139
- You need to masturbate, dude. A lot.
- A lot.
594
00:39:09,222 --> 00:39:12,476
So next time you won't blow your load
when you're rounding first base.
595
00:39:12,559 --> 00:39:13,727
Yeah.
596
00:39:30,702 --> 00:39:32,788
Just gotta clean the pipes.
597
00:39:55,268 --> 00:39:57,312
- Who is it?
- Hey, it's Ashley.
598
00:39:57,396 --> 00:39:59,564
We were gonna hang out, remember?
599
00:40:01,358 --> 00:40:04,111
Yeah! Yeah, I remember.
600
00:40:04,194 --> 00:40:07,697
I... I lost track of time, Ashley.
I'll be right there.
601
00:40:07,781 --> 00:40:10,534
- Are you okay in there?
- Yeah.
602
00:40:10,617 --> 00:40:14,287
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
Just give me one second, okay?
603
00:40:14,955 --> 00:40:16,540
Erik, are you naked?
604
00:40:16,623 --> 00:40:19,334
Just putting on my t-shirt right now.
605
00:40:20,001 --> 00:40:21,461
There it is.
606
00:40:23,713 --> 00:40:24,881
- Hi.
- Hi.
607
00:40:24,965 --> 00:40:28,218
- Can I come in?
- No. No, the place is actually a mess.
608
00:40:28,301 --> 00:40:30,387
- Bobby's disgusting.
- Oh, yeah?
609
00:40:30,470 --> 00:40:33,473
- But I know a cool place we can go.
- Come on.
610
00:40:40,230 --> 00:40:44,025
All right. Right hand, yellow.
611
00:40:45,986 --> 00:40:47,696
I love this game.
612
00:40:48,488 --> 00:40:50,991
Don't you fall or you're
losing those boxers.
613
00:40:51,074 --> 00:40:53,160
Oh, really?
614
00:40:56,455 --> 00:40:58,665
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
615
00:41:00,667 --> 00:41:02,169
- Hi.
- Hi.
616
00:41:19,019 --> 00:41:20,770
I'm sorry.
617
00:41:20,854 --> 00:41:25,025
- What? Are you a virgin or something or...
- No.
618
00:41:27,194 --> 00:41:30,822
It's just when I...
When I get too excited...
619
00:41:33,325 --> 00:41:35,327
Oh, it's embarrassing.
620
00:41:40,540 --> 00:41:41,833
Here.
621
00:41:42,709 --> 00:41:45,879
- Let me just take care of you again.
- Okay.
622
00:41:51,301 --> 00:41:53,887
Oh, wait, wait, wait. Cheers, cheers.
623
00:41:58,225 --> 00:42:01,603
Let me get that for you.
A little spillage. No big deal.
624
00:42:09,069 --> 00:42:10,904
It's not gonna go off again, is it?
625
00:42:10,987 --> 00:42:14,533
Absolutely not. I've been practicing
my self-control a lot.
626
00:42:14,616 --> 00:42:16,076
A lot? Okay.
627
00:42:37,847 --> 00:42:39,057
Come on.
628
00:42:39,140 --> 00:42:42,143
Oh, just how much have
you been working on your self-control?
629
00:42:43,895 --> 00:42:47,107
I'm really sorry. It's not working.
630
00:42:48,275 --> 00:42:51,486
My stupid friends,
they said that if I would...
631
00:42:51,570 --> 00:42:54,281
Erik, it's okay. It happens.
632
00:42:55,282 --> 00:42:56,449
Wine?
633
00:43:06,126 --> 00:43:07,793
All right, boys. We got a live one here.
634
00:43:07,794 --> 00:43:10,422
Two clicks north, three clicks east.
635
00:43:10,672 --> 00:43:12,716
All right, three clicks east.
636
00:43:14,801 --> 00:43:17,137
Let's blast our big giant ones.
637
00:43:17,220 --> 00:43:18,972
Fire in the hole!
638
00:43:21,808 --> 00:43:22,908
Direct hit!
639
00:43:24,060 --> 00:43:26,146
- Yes!
- Oh, my God.
640
00:43:29,733 --> 00:43:32,235
I love the smell
of boobies in the morning.
641
00:43:32,319 --> 00:43:34,654
Hey, so how's it going with Denise?
642
00:43:34,738 --> 00:43:40,744
Well, okay, so we hooked up
and she gave me a couple of hand jobs.
643
00:43:41,911 --> 00:43:43,011
Hand jobs?
644
00:43:43,038 --> 00:43:45,766
They're actually the best hand jobs
I've ever had in my life.
645
00:43:45,790 --> 00:43:48,168
- Oh, really?
- Shut up!
646
00:43:48,668 --> 00:43:52,839
The only problem is
I try to stick my hand down her pants,
647
00:43:52,922 --> 00:43:55,091
she keeps... Pulls my hands away.
648
00:43:55,175 --> 00:43:56,760
She says she's embarrassed.
649
00:43:57,886 --> 00:44:02,057
- Maybe she has an abnormally large bush.
- Yeah, or maybe she's got a yeast infection.
650
00:44:03,224 --> 00:44:05,810
- Come on.
- Maybe she's got a dick.
651
00:44:07,020 --> 00:44:09,189
What? Crying Game? Boys Don't Cry?
652
00:44:09,272 --> 00:44:11,733
- That's based on true stories, boys.
- No.
653
00:44:11,816 --> 00:44:13,025
- Yeah.
- No, there's no way.
654
00:44:13,026 --> 00:44:14,754
Hey, man, maybe she's a hermaphrodite.
655
00:44:14,778 --> 00:44:17,447
Transvestite? A little Shanghai Surprise!
656
00:44:17,530 --> 00:44:18,697
Well, come on. You said yourself,
657
00:44:18,698 --> 00:44:21,617
she gives you the best hand jobs
you've ever had in your whole life. Right?
658
00:44:21,618 --> 00:44:22,619
Yeah, so?
659
00:44:22,702 --> 00:44:24,996
So, how do you think
she got so good at it?
660
00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:27,874
Probably from working her own gear.
661
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:32,169
So you guys think that I might have been
hooking up with a dude this whole time?
662
00:44:32,170 --> 00:44:34,798
Maybe. There's only one way to find out.
663
00:44:34,881 --> 00:44:37,342
You gotta get into those pants.
664
00:44:38,093 --> 00:44:41,388
Oh, wait. This is too perfect.
Load it up. Load it up, right now.
665
00:44:45,225 --> 00:44:46,393
- What the...
- Sorry!
666
00:44:47,769 --> 00:44:49,437
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
667
00:45:03,159 --> 00:45:05,286
I want you to go down on me, Cooze.
668
00:45:05,370 --> 00:45:07,831
Are you sure? Because I can wait.
669
00:45:07,914 --> 00:45:10,250
No, I want you down there now.
670
00:45:13,628 --> 00:45:15,630
That's it, Cooze.
671
00:45:23,638 --> 00:45:25,348
That's it, Cooze.
672
00:45:26,141 --> 00:45:27,241
Suck my cock!
673
00:45:27,308 --> 00:45:28,601
She's got a dick!
674
00:45:29,686 --> 00:45:31,229
Are you okay?
675
00:45:32,272 --> 00:45:36,109
Oh, my God.
I just had the worst nightmare.
676
00:45:36,401 --> 00:45:39,571
What was it about? Who's got a dick?
677
00:45:40,113 --> 00:45:41,281
I do.
678
00:45:51,249 --> 00:45:52,625
Oh, my God.
679
00:45:53,168 --> 00:45:54,627
I can't take this anymore.
680
00:46:12,645 --> 00:46:13,897
Hello?
681
00:46:14,439 --> 00:46:16,232
I thought you were gonna call me.
682
00:46:18,276 --> 00:46:20,153
Yeah. I fell asleep.
683
00:46:20,779 --> 00:46:21,879
I'm sorry.
684
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:24,699
Were you dreaming about me?
685
00:46:25,575 --> 00:46:26,868
Maybe.
686
00:46:27,327 --> 00:46:29,496
Hey, can you hold on for one sec?
687
00:46:32,290 --> 00:46:33,833
Because this
688
00:46:35,794 --> 00:46:37,337
isn't a dream.
689
00:46:42,759 --> 00:46:45,678
Oh, God. That's not mine. That's Bobby's.
690
00:46:55,855 --> 00:46:57,357
That's not mine.
691
00:47:13,957 --> 00:47:16,292
Guys. What the hell are you doing?
692
00:47:16,376 --> 00:47:18,503
Number 33, baby.
693
00:47:18,586 --> 00:47:21,631
We got a chance to do number 33,
but we gotta go now.
694
00:47:21,714 --> 00:47:23,967
- Half-naked girl here.
- Sorry, Ashley.
695
00:47:24,050 --> 00:47:26,218
Dude, the manager just called.
He's got an opening.
696
00:47:26,219 --> 00:47:29,639
- We haven't even rehearsed for that bit yet.
- It's our only chance, man.
697
00:47:30,723 --> 00:47:31,975
Really?
698
00:47:33,685 --> 00:47:35,520
Ashley, it is Number 33.
699
00:47:36,271 --> 00:47:40,567
Maybe, we could just finish later
or something?
700
00:47:41,484 --> 00:47:42,584
It's cool.
701
00:47:44,821 --> 00:47:45,921
- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.
702
00:47:46,281 --> 00:47:47,532
I'm coming with you.
703
00:47:49,367 --> 00:47:51,369
- We rocked that place.
- Yeah!
704
00:47:51,452 --> 00:47:52,552
Awesome!
705
00:47:53,872 --> 00:47:57,584
Number 46, sex in the stacks. Chalk it up.
706
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:03,590
Number 26, receive a golden shower.
707
00:48:03,673 --> 00:48:06,175
Number 27, perform a Cleveland steamer.
708
00:48:06,259 --> 00:48:07,760
- Check.
- Oh, man.
709
00:48:07,844 --> 00:48:09,888
Get a panda in the grotto.
710
00:48:09,971 --> 00:48:12,557
- Thirty, get a blumpkin.
- Oh, you didn't.
711
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:15,435
After corned beef. It was disgusting.
712
00:48:15,518 --> 00:48:17,655
- All right. Yeah. That was pretty good.
- Yeah!
713
00:48:17,729 --> 00:48:20,481
By the power granted to me
by the great country of Canada,
714
00:48:20,565 --> 00:48:23,318
I now pronounce you life partners.
715
00:48:25,069 --> 00:48:26,946
Would you like to seal it with a kiss?
716
00:48:27,030 --> 00:48:28,031
- No.
- Yes.
717
00:48:28,114 --> 00:48:30,325
Number 41. Make it official.
718
00:48:33,369 --> 00:48:34,469
Because I'm a gentleman.
719
00:48:36,664 --> 00:48:39,459
Wow. You boys are such an inspiration.
720
00:48:41,669 --> 00:48:43,670
I think it's time we do
a little mid-semester celebrating.
721
00:48:43,671 --> 00:48:46,049
- What do you think?
- Yes. Definitely.
722
00:48:56,059 --> 00:48:59,103
Stifler, I'm afraid I gotta
see everyone's IDs.
723
00:48:59,187 --> 00:49:02,398
- What?
- Come on, Manny. You're joking, right?
724
00:49:02,482 --> 00:49:04,067
I'm afraid not.
725
00:49:04,150 --> 00:49:06,569
You see, the new ownership
of this establishment
726
00:49:06,653 --> 00:49:08,363
doesn't condone underage drinking.
727
00:49:08,446 --> 00:49:11,908
Officers, please escort these minors
from the premises.
728
00:49:12,784 --> 00:49:14,326
- Can I touch your gun?
- All right, okay. We're going.
729
00:49:14,327 --> 00:49:17,330
- Bye-bye.
- You're fucking with traditions, Edgar.
730
00:49:17,413 --> 00:49:21,459
I'm not just fucking with your traditions,
I'm tearing them down.
731
00:49:23,002 --> 00:49:24,504
Take him away.
732
00:49:27,173 --> 00:49:29,676
You know, you are way too classy,
733
00:49:29,759 --> 00:49:33,846
and have way too nice of a body to be
hanging out with a douche bag like that.
734
00:49:35,473 --> 00:49:37,766
Don't listen to him, honey.
Your body isn't that great.
735
00:49:37,767 --> 00:49:39,495
I'll have a gimlet, please. Thank you.
736
00:49:41,437 --> 00:49:42,563
Stifler.
737
00:49:42,647 --> 00:49:44,273
- What?
- Your lawyer's here.
738
00:49:44,357 --> 00:49:46,693
Excellent. Thanks, Marty. Send him in.
739
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:49,070
You have a lawyer?
740
00:49:51,698 --> 00:49:53,741
Thanks for coming. I'm glad you got here.
741
00:49:53,992 --> 00:49:56,828
Well, you know me.
I'm always down for the cause.
742
00:49:57,328 --> 00:49:59,789
- Betas for life, baby.
- Betas for life.
743
00:49:59,872 --> 00:50:01,499
Mr. Levenstein?
744
00:50:01,582 --> 00:50:03,209
Hey, Erik. How's your mom and dad?
745
00:50:03,292 --> 00:50:05,292
They're good.
They're really good, actually.
746
00:50:05,294 --> 00:50:07,922
- Well, that's good.
- Hey, guys, this is Noah.
747
00:50:08,006 --> 00:50:10,591
He's a Beta alum.
He's our House-counseling consigliere.
748
00:50:10,675 --> 00:50:14,012
This guy has gotten us out of more shit
than you can even imagine.
749
00:50:14,095 --> 00:50:17,015
Well you Beta boys do keep me busy,
that's for sure.
750
00:50:17,265 --> 00:50:19,391
Now, I've just talked
to the district attorney.
751
00:50:19,392 --> 00:50:22,729
He's an old school chum of mine.
He's willing to drop all the charges
752
00:50:22,812 --> 00:50:26,858
if you promise never to set foot
in the Silver Dollar again.
753
00:50:28,026 --> 00:50:29,777
This is ridiculous.
754
00:50:30,653 --> 00:50:32,447
Where am I gonna have Sunday brunch?
755
00:50:32,530 --> 00:50:34,407
Oh, look, I know you're upset.
756
00:50:34,490 --> 00:50:36,533
They do have a great omelet bar,
that's for sure.
757
00:50:36,534 --> 00:50:40,038
- But you're just gonna have to give it up.
- No, we can't.
758
00:50:40,538 --> 00:50:44,751
These geeks... These geeks are messing
with the Beta way of life.
759
00:50:45,877 --> 00:50:47,962
You want to step inside, Noah?
760
00:50:48,046 --> 00:50:49,797
- Oh, it's open?
- Yeah.
761
00:50:49,881 --> 00:50:51,674
Oh, thanks Marty.
762
00:50:52,675 --> 00:50:56,012
If you wanna grab a sandwich,
I'll just be a minute.
763
00:50:57,263 --> 00:50:58,765
Look, fellas,
764
00:50:59,348 --> 00:51:02,935
there is a bigger picture here
than the Beta way of life.
765
00:51:03,895 --> 00:51:07,398
Is that what you thought
when you were in the Beta House?
766
00:51:08,024 --> 00:51:09,124
No.
767
00:51:10,443 --> 00:51:12,987
- No. It wasn't.
- So...
768
00:51:13,446 --> 00:51:18,493
So I think something has to be done here.
Within the confines of the law, of course.
769
00:51:18,576 --> 00:51:20,286
Of course. Of course.
770
00:51:21,370 --> 00:51:24,165
So what would you do?
771
00:51:24,957 --> 00:51:26,626
What would I do?
772
00:51:29,212 --> 00:51:34,133
I would crush those geeks
with every Beta muscle in my body.
773
00:51:36,803 --> 00:51:38,638
But that's just me.
774
00:51:39,472 --> 00:51:42,058
See you boys at homecoming.
Say hi to your folks, Erik.
775
00:51:42,141 --> 00:51:43,976
I will. Thank you.
776
00:51:53,361 --> 00:51:57,323
- What are we doing?
- We've got to find their trophy room.
777
00:52:12,088 --> 00:52:14,507
Freeze, human.
778
00:52:29,147 --> 00:52:33,025
Uphold the galactic alliance with my cock.
779
00:52:39,282 --> 00:52:41,075
What the hell is going on in there?
780
00:52:41,159 --> 00:52:44,620
Sounds like a dog with its dick
stuck in a vacuum.
781
00:52:44,704 --> 00:52:47,456
- All right, this way.
- I'm a husky ninja.
782
00:52:52,837 --> 00:52:54,797
There it is, the motherboard.
783
00:52:59,886 --> 00:53:02,305
Guys, I really gotta take a dump.
784
00:53:02,388 --> 00:53:04,223
Oh, come on. Not now.
785
00:53:04,307 --> 00:53:06,559
That fast food I ate put me over.
786
00:53:06,893 --> 00:53:08,561
Oh! I can't wait.
787
00:53:10,146 --> 00:53:14,233
Well, hurry up, then.
God, that guy's disgusting.
788
00:53:16,652 --> 00:53:18,905
Okay. All right.
789
00:53:25,077 --> 00:53:26,245
Okay.
790
00:53:33,502 --> 00:53:34,602
All right.
791
00:53:38,132 --> 00:53:39,759
Bobby!
792
00:53:43,930 --> 00:53:47,350
- Bobby, what are you doing, man?
- Upper-decker, baby!
793
00:53:47,433 --> 00:53:49,101
Upper-decker, baby.
794
00:53:49,894 --> 00:53:51,687
Oh, my God.
795
00:53:52,980 --> 00:53:55,942
Betas, we are leaving. Go, go, go!
796
00:54:01,614 --> 00:54:03,115
What's happening?
797
00:54:11,791 --> 00:54:13,459
Well, pledges,
798
00:54:13,918 --> 00:54:17,421
you completed every task
on the task board in record time.
799
00:54:18,089 --> 00:54:24,470
I, along with every other Beta in this
room, are proud to call you our brothers.
800
00:54:24,804 --> 00:54:27,223
Congratulations, you're all Betas!
801
00:54:28,015 --> 00:54:29,308
Oh, yeah.
802
00:54:32,561 --> 00:54:33,980
Hey, cuz.
803
00:54:35,273 --> 00:54:37,650
- Yeah.
- Here you go.
804
00:54:46,742 --> 00:54:49,160
So it sounds like you got yourself
a pretty good girl there, buddy.
805
00:54:49,161 --> 00:54:51,579
Oh, yeah. You know what?
Now that pledge is finally over,
806
00:54:51,580 --> 00:54:53,535
we can spend a lot more
time together, too.
807
00:54:57,211 --> 00:54:58,212
What? Are you kidding me?
808
00:54:58,296 --> 00:55:02,008
Edgar, get you and the Mensa rejects
out of my house, now.
809
00:55:07,221 --> 00:55:10,308
You have crossed me
for the last time, Stifler!
810
00:55:13,561 --> 00:55:16,397
We're gonna settle this once and for all!
811
00:55:21,402 --> 00:55:23,738
Oh! What the fuck?
812
00:55:30,036 --> 00:55:34,081
We, the members of the Geek House,
challenge you, the Beta House,
813
00:55:34,165 --> 00:55:36,000
to the Greek Olympiad.
814
00:55:36,083 --> 00:55:37,376
The Greek Olympiad?
815
00:55:37,460 --> 00:55:39,753
As much as I'd love to kick
your Geek ass up and down the field, Ed,
816
00:55:39,754 --> 00:55:43,591
I hate to tell you, the Greek Olympiad's
been banned for like 40 years. So...
817
00:55:44,925 --> 00:55:49,722
What's the matter? Afraid to get
into a little trouble, Stifler?
818
00:55:50,056 --> 00:55:51,390
Afraid?
819
00:55:52,683 --> 00:55:55,144
- Let's do this.
- Oh, but there is one catch.
820
00:55:55,227 --> 00:55:57,396
We are playing for charters.
821
00:55:57,897 --> 00:56:02,151
If we win, you give up your charter
and you move out of the Beta House.
822
00:56:02,902 --> 00:56:04,570
And if you win,
823
00:56:05,363 --> 00:56:07,907
we move out and you take our house.
824
00:56:08,574 --> 00:56:10,368
This place against your mansion?
825
00:56:10,451 --> 00:56:13,704
Consider it another tradition
I plan to tear down.
826
00:56:15,414 --> 00:56:16,749
You're on.
827
00:56:21,170 --> 00:56:22,755
Are you out of your mind?
828
00:56:22,838 --> 00:56:26,300
The Greek Olympiad
has been banned for life.
829
00:56:26,384 --> 00:56:28,260
You'll all get thrown off campus.
830
00:56:28,344 --> 00:56:33,474
- That's a chance we're gonna have to take.
- Oh, but the Greek Olympiad is crazy.
831
00:56:33,557 --> 00:56:38,479
I mean, yes, it's a combination of skill,
endurance, athleticism granted,
832
00:56:38,562 --> 00:56:40,790
but there is a degree of perversion
in these games
833
00:56:40,815 --> 00:56:44,193
which I don't think
would serve you kids well.
834
00:56:44,276 --> 00:56:46,361
Do you happen to remember the name
of the last captain
835
00:56:46,362 --> 00:56:47,988
to ever win the Greek Olympiad?
836
00:56:48,072 --> 00:56:50,281
Well, I haven't the foggiest
because it was so long ago.
837
00:56:50,282 --> 00:56:53,119
His name was Noah Levenstein.
838
00:56:56,414 --> 00:56:58,749
Well, I knew that would
catch up to me one day.
839
00:56:58,833 --> 00:57:01,794
But, you know, fellas,
I didn't know what was going on back then.
840
00:57:01,877 --> 00:57:03,254
I was just a dumb kid.
841
00:57:03,337 --> 00:57:05,297
Mr. Levenstein, we need you.
842
00:57:05,381 --> 00:57:09,051
Tradition states
that the last team captain to win
843
00:57:09,135 --> 00:57:10,886
comes back to officiate.
844
00:57:10,970 --> 00:57:12,721
I know it's tradition.
845
00:57:13,973 --> 00:57:17,017
I... I suppose I could do it.
846
00:57:17,101 --> 00:57:19,353
I'd have to call in
and take a few personal days.
847
00:57:19,437 --> 00:57:22,064
Excellent. You will not regret this.
I promise you.
848
00:57:22,148 --> 00:57:24,900
- Stifler! This just came for you, man.
- What is it?
849
00:57:29,822 --> 00:57:31,574
This is interesting.
850
00:57:32,491 --> 00:57:33,659
Hello!
851
00:57:36,704 --> 00:57:39,331
I'm here. What's this big bombshell?
852
00:57:47,423 --> 00:57:49,091
Are you sure you weren't followed?
853
00:57:49,175 --> 00:57:51,886
You? What the hell are you doing here?
854
00:57:55,556 --> 00:57:57,933
- Well, well, Stifler.
- Rock.
855
00:57:58,017 --> 00:57:59,435
Looks like we meet again.
856
00:57:59,518 --> 00:58:04,231
- All right, this is a set-up. I'm out of here.
- Just relax, ass clown.
857
00:58:04,315 --> 00:58:07,276
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
858
00:58:07,359 --> 00:58:10,279
What we had was a rivalry,
859
00:58:10,362 --> 00:58:13,282
but what Edgar did
got us kicked off campus.
860
00:58:14,617 --> 00:58:16,452
Wait, how do you even know the guy?
861
00:58:18,078 --> 00:58:21,248
He tried to pledge
our house three years ago.
862
00:58:21,332 --> 00:58:24,835
He was the first regular sized guy
to rush the little person frat.
863
00:58:25,586 --> 00:58:28,923
They used to have this tradition
where we put a sheep in the basement...
864
00:58:29,006 --> 00:58:29,965
Be gentle.
865
00:58:30,049 --> 00:58:31,591
They'd tell us we had to bang the sheep
866
00:58:31,592 --> 00:58:35,179
and that we couldn't come out
until the rubber was used.
867
00:58:35,262 --> 00:58:37,056
Now, one of two things happened.
868
00:58:38,516 --> 00:58:40,226
Either they would come out crying,
869
00:58:41,393 --> 00:58:45,397
or they would beat off in the rubber
and say they did the sheep.
870
00:58:46,732 --> 00:58:50,277
And then there was Edgar.
871
00:58:52,112 --> 00:58:53,531
Good luck.
872
00:58:57,826 --> 00:58:59,099
- It's okay.
- What the fuck?
873
00:59:00,996 --> 00:59:02,998
We gotta check it out.
874
00:59:10,214 --> 00:59:12,508
For the love of God, man!
875
00:59:13,592 --> 00:59:17,263
That sick bastard fucked the sheep.
876
00:59:18,055 --> 00:59:21,058
That's a great story but I'm
a little unclear on how it helps me?
877
00:59:22,268 --> 00:59:24,770
I'm sure you'll figure something
out, Shitler.
878
00:59:43,497 --> 00:59:46,125
Welcome to the Greek Olympiad!
879
00:59:54,216 --> 00:59:57,386
Competing today in this ancient tradition
880
00:59:57,469 --> 00:59:59,346
are the Beta House...
881
01:00:01,473 --> 01:00:03,267
- Beta! Beta!
- Beta! Beta!
882
01:00:03,350 --> 01:00:05,185
And the Geek House.
883
01:00:08,314 --> 01:00:12,860
Now, when we think of the term
Greek Olympiad,
884
01:00:12,943 --> 01:00:16,822
we hearken back to ancient traditions.
885
01:00:17,865 --> 01:00:21,827
We conjure up images of mighty warriors
886
01:00:22,244 --> 01:00:25,956
in their little skirts,
getting all oiled up,
887
01:00:27,249 --> 01:00:28,876
writhing around with each other.
888
01:00:28,959 --> 01:00:34,173
Some called it wrestling,
others called it something else.
889
01:00:34,715 --> 01:00:39,678
But enough history. On with the games.
890
01:00:47,436 --> 01:00:50,773
The first event is called
The Release of Venus.
891
01:00:51,398 --> 01:00:56,028
The man who undoes all the brassieres
on his side the quickest, wins.
892
01:00:56,528 --> 01:00:58,155
You know, Ed,
893
01:00:58,697 --> 01:01:02,241
it's really a shame all that practice
on your sister's training bra is not gonna pay off.
894
01:01:02,242 --> 01:01:05,954
Please, Dwight. I spent a season
in Milan dating lingerie models.
895
01:01:06,038 --> 01:01:08,082
It was before I met you.
896
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:12,336
Gentlemen, are we ready?
897
01:01:12,419 --> 01:01:15,214
Decline and fall, Dwight.
Decline and fall.
898
01:01:17,007 --> 01:01:18,759
Start unsnapping.
899
01:01:34,983 --> 01:01:37,986
You know, I still hold
the record in this event.
900
01:01:38,070 --> 01:01:39,238
Hands of a surgeon.
901
01:01:44,535 --> 01:01:46,619
- Oh, what's up with Edgar?
- Chick's got double Ds.
902
01:01:46,620 --> 01:01:49,665
Squad clasps are really
difficult to deal with.
903
01:01:55,087 --> 01:01:56,187
Done.
904
01:01:56,255 --> 01:01:57,355
Done!
905
01:01:58,549 --> 01:01:59,675
I knew it!
906
01:01:59,758 --> 01:02:01,260
Betas win.
907
01:02:04,847 --> 01:02:06,432
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
908
01:02:07,808 --> 01:02:09,351
Hey, nice try, Edgar.
909
01:02:10,227 --> 01:02:13,439
Oh, sorry, sweetheart.
I guess I was just in the zone.
910
01:02:13,772 --> 01:02:16,608
You know, with a little more to work with,
I might have won.
911
01:02:17,109 --> 01:02:20,821
The next event is The Battle of Ares.
912
01:02:21,780 --> 01:02:25,826
Two men fighting to the death,
913
01:02:27,953 --> 01:02:31,331
or until one knocks
the other into the water.
914
01:02:32,541 --> 01:02:34,251
Yeah! Ride that!
915
01:02:34,835 --> 01:02:38,172
You guys are so done, Edgar.
Bull is an animal with this thing.
916
01:02:38,255 --> 01:02:40,923
Why don't you just save some face,
give me the deed to your place now.
917
01:02:40,924 --> 01:02:42,676
Not quite yet.
918
01:02:42,760 --> 01:02:45,763
You haven't met our new
initiate, have you?
919
01:02:54,313 --> 01:02:56,148
His name is Dave Maul,
920
01:02:56,231 --> 01:02:58,734
and he is the number-one rated
light saber fighter
921
01:02:58,817 --> 01:03:00,819
on the science fiction convention tour.
922
01:03:00,903 --> 01:03:02,571
Oh, he's a virgin.
923
01:03:02,654 --> 01:03:04,198
Are you ready, boys?
924
01:03:05,073 --> 01:03:06,408
Joust!
925
01:03:15,417 --> 01:03:17,044
Come on!
926
01:03:24,927 --> 01:03:26,220
Oh, shit!
927
01:03:32,559 --> 01:03:34,478
Take him! Take him!
928
01:03:35,938 --> 01:03:37,356
Finish him.
929
01:03:39,358 --> 01:03:40,526
Go! Come on!
930
01:03:46,156 --> 01:03:49,701
- Geeks win!
- I need a beer.
931
01:03:50,160 --> 01:03:53,580
The next event is called Demeter's Feast.
932
01:03:53,664 --> 01:03:57,042
Now, in ancient Rome,
the pig was considered sacred.
933
01:03:57,125 --> 01:04:01,088
And often sacrificed
to the goddess of agriculture.
934
01:04:01,547 --> 01:04:04,800
Today, we've taken a pig, greased it up,
935
01:04:04,883 --> 01:04:08,011
and the first one who catches it, wins.
936
01:04:12,558 --> 01:04:14,267
Hey, you sure you're up for this pigging?
937
01:04:14,268 --> 01:04:17,229
Stifler,
I grew up on a farm with 652 pigs,
938
01:04:17,980 --> 01:04:20,566
I can tell what the pig is thinking.
939
01:04:30,075 --> 01:04:31,577
Silly, little, fat man.
940
01:04:31,660 --> 01:04:34,579
Hey, Edgar, what's the deal with
Captain Sulu? He afraid to compete?
941
01:04:34,580 --> 01:04:36,790
You haven't heard of parkour, have you?
942
01:04:43,130 --> 01:04:44,230
What the...
943
01:04:45,257 --> 01:04:46,758
Go! Go! Go! Go!
944
01:04:47,551 --> 01:04:49,845
Come here, piggy. Come here, piggy.
945
01:05:09,114 --> 01:05:10,214
Damn.
946
01:05:24,296 --> 01:05:26,715
Come here, pork chop.
947
01:05:27,466 --> 01:05:28,717
Geeks!
948
01:05:59,498 --> 01:06:00,916
Geeks win!
949
01:06:07,631 --> 01:06:12,970
Greek Roulette is a very dangerous game.
Not for the faint of heart.
950
01:06:14,471 --> 01:06:17,599
One of these chambers contains a capsule
951
01:06:17,683 --> 01:06:21,436
with aged horse semen.
952
01:06:23,772 --> 01:06:26,608
Gentlemen, let us begin.
953
01:06:42,874 --> 01:06:44,251
- Disgusting.
- Oh, come on.
954
01:06:48,171 --> 01:06:51,216
- Come on, come on!
- Come on, Dwight!
955
01:06:54,136 --> 01:06:55,512
You're busted. Come on.
956
01:06:55,595 --> 01:06:57,641
- It's gonna be...
- We're not in it. Come on!
957
01:06:59,599 --> 01:07:00,808
You know, I gotta hand it to you, Edgar.
958
01:07:00,809 --> 01:07:02,768
I really didn't think
you'd have the huevos for this.
959
01:07:02,769 --> 01:07:05,021
I thought you'd probably
recruit one of your lackeys.
960
01:07:05,022 --> 01:07:09,443
I wouldn't miss watching you shoot
yourself full of horse semen for anything.
961
01:07:11,361 --> 01:07:12,461
Come on, man.
962
01:07:12,529 --> 01:07:14,031
Come on, Stifler!
963
01:07:14,114 --> 01:07:16,408
- Stuff it in there.
- Do it.
964
01:07:19,077 --> 01:07:20,829
- Yeah!
- Yes!
965
01:07:21,663 --> 01:07:24,499
- We can do this! Yes, yes!
- Come on!
966
01:07:26,877 --> 01:07:28,170
That's how we do.
967
01:07:28,253 --> 01:07:29,588
Oh, boy!
968
01:07:30,088 --> 01:07:32,257
- Come on! Come on!
- Edgar!
969
01:07:34,676 --> 01:07:36,344
Come on, baby. Eat it!
970
01:07:43,810 --> 01:07:45,187
Yeah!
971
01:07:45,270 --> 01:07:47,939
- Put two canisters in there!
- Two? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Two?
972
01:07:48,023 --> 01:07:49,982
That's too many, Dwight.
Come on, two? He's not worth it.
973
01:07:49,983 --> 01:07:53,904
Unless Edgar's afraid,
put in two canisters.
974
01:07:53,987 --> 01:07:55,739
Fine! Put in two!
975
01:07:57,491 --> 01:07:58,992
Put in two.
976
01:08:02,454 --> 01:08:03,663
Oh, man.
977
01:08:03,747 --> 01:08:04,873
Go!
978
01:08:05,123 --> 01:08:06,249
Go!
979
01:08:07,501 --> 01:08:09,544
- Be a man, huh?
- Ready. Go!
980
01:08:10,962 --> 01:08:12,964
- Warm it up.
- Hey! Hey! Hey!
981
01:08:15,175 --> 01:08:17,094
All right, all right! All right!
982
01:08:17,177 --> 01:08:19,930
- All right!
- Everyone quiet!
983
01:08:20,013 --> 01:08:22,224
We're good? Back to the match.
984
01:08:22,307 --> 01:08:23,641
You're good baby.
There's nothing in there.
985
01:08:23,642 --> 01:08:24,870
Oh, no. I can't watch this.
986
01:08:28,814 --> 01:08:30,565
Yeah! Yeah!
987
01:08:30,649 --> 01:08:33,276
- Yeah! Yes!
- Yeah!
988
01:08:33,360 --> 01:08:36,780
- Yes! Yes!
- All right! Yes! Yes!
989
01:08:36,863 --> 01:08:38,490
You're up.
990
01:08:39,533 --> 01:08:40,826
Come on!
991
01:08:42,536 --> 01:08:44,454
- Do it.
- Let's go.
992
01:08:44,538 --> 01:08:47,374
- Do it!
- Do it! Do it!
993
01:08:47,457 --> 01:08:50,001
- Do it!
- Do it, now! Pull the fucking trigger.
994
01:08:50,085 --> 01:08:54,464
- Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
- Pull the trigger.
995
01:08:58,301 --> 01:08:59,511
Oh, boy.
996
01:09:01,555 --> 01:09:04,599
Yes! We won! Sucker!
997
01:09:05,225 --> 01:09:06,768
Betas win.
998
01:09:06,852 --> 01:09:10,021
- Enjoy Mister Ed's jizz.
- How does that semen taste, there?
999
01:09:13,150 --> 01:09:15,651
Tough loss, there, Edgar,
but you know what they say, son.
1000
01:09:15,652 --> 01:09:18,488
You've got to get right back
up on that horse.
1001
01:09:18,572 --> 01:09:19,672
So to speak.
1002
01:09:24,953 --> 01:09:29,207
The ancient game of the Wife Carry
has been around for centuries.
1003
01:09:29,958 --> 01:09:33,378
The first couple
to complete the course wins.
1004
01:09:34,588 --> 01:09:37,215
- You owe me big time for this.
- I know.
1005
01:09:38,717 --> 01:09:40,760
- Okay.
- All right. Ready?
1006
01:09:45,265 --> 01:09:48,393
How pathetic. Now!
1007
01:09:52,063 --> 01:09:53,273
What? What...
1008
01:09:53,356 --> 01:09:55,232
Really? You trying
to give Bandhu a hernia?
1009
01:09:55,233 --> 01:09:58,361
Oh, once again your pathetic little brain
has let you down, Dwight.
1010
01:09:58,445 --> 01:09:59,905
Bandhu, up.
1011
01:10:04,576 --> 01:10:07,370
All right, Erik. We got this. Let's go.
1012
01:10:07,871 --> 01:10:09,456
We're fucked.
1013
01:10:11,625 --> 01:10:13,960
Come on, Erik! Go, go, go!
1014
01:10:14,044 --> 01:10:15,144
We can beat those Betas.
1015
01:10:15,212 --> 01:10:17,255
Pick up the pace. Faster, faster!
1016
01:10:17,339 --> 01:10:20,091
How'd you feel about that...
1017
01:10:26,473 --> 01:10:29,100
Come on! Come on!
1018
01:10:40,403 --> 01:10:42,781
Maybe I should have carried you.
1019
01:10:44,407 --> 01:10:46,785
Man, that is one scary chick.
1020
01:10:47,160 --> 01:10:48,286
That's a chick?
1021
01:10:48,495 --> 01:10:49,595
Okay.
1022
01:10:51,957 --> 01:10:54,834
And now, the Peloponnesian War.
1023
01:10:54,918 --> 01:10:58,338
The first team to consume
an entire keg wins.
1024
01:10:58,421 --> 01:11:00,340
Throwing up does not disqualify.
1025
01:11:00,423 --> 01:11:04,010
Gentlemen, inside this cylindrical
casing of aluminum,
1026
01:11:04,094 --> 01:11:07,305
lies 55 metric liters of malted alcohol.
1027
01:11:07,931 --> 01:11:10,183
Remember, fellas,
don't underestimate these Geeks.
1028
01:11:10,267 --> 01:11:12,434
Most of them are lonely problem drinkers,
all right?
1029
01:11:12,435 --> 01:11:15,397
Beware, gentlemen,
these men know how to drink,
1030
01:11:15,855 --> 01:11:17,732
but we are more than they are.
1031
01:11:17,816 --> 01:11:19,693
We are more than men!
1032
01:11:19,776 --> 01:11:22,404
We, sirs, are Geeks!
1033
01:11:22,487 --> 01:11:24,698
- Yes!
- All right, boys. Battle!
1034
01:11:26,658 --> 01:11:29,995
- Gentlemen, chug-a-lug!
- I can out-drink you fucks!
1035
01:11:33,832 --> 01:11:35,083
Drink!
1036
01:11:37,127 --> 01:11:39,337
We are geeks, we can do this.
1037
01:11:40,714 --> 01:11:42,340
Edgar!
1038
01:11:44,342 --> 01:11:45,979
I only have one thing to say to you.
1039
01:11:46,052 --> 01:11:48,179
What's that, you philistine?
1040
01:11:56,521 --> 01:11:59,190
Puking doesn't disqualify!
1041
01:12:00,191 --> 01:12:03,194
- Geeks, attack!
- Boot and rally, boys!
1042
01:12:10,035 --> 01:12:13,121
Come on, Edgar.
Let's see what you got, bitch.
1043
01:12:15,332 --> 01:12:18,335
That's all you got, huh?
That's all you got?
1044
01:12:27,052 --> 01:12:29,137
Go back to the keg!
1045
01:12:29,220 --> 01:12:31,181
We got a man down!
1046
01:12:31,264 --> 01:12:34,309
Gentlemen, we need to attain
maximum efficiency.
1047
01:12:34,642 --> 01:12:37,103
Irene, attach the device!
1048
01:12:41,900 --> 01:12:44,110
- What the hell is that?
- What is that thing?
1049
01:12:44,194 --> 01:12:45,737
Open valves.
1050
01:12:47,447 --> 01:12:52,243
That's the Geeks taking the lead.
It's time for our secret weapon. Wesley!
1051
01:12:53,203 --> 01:12:56,581
- Let's go!
- Keg stand! Now!
1052
01:13:01,628 --> 01:13:05,715
Open the valves all the way.
We need warp speed on this, motherfucker!
1053
01:13:08,259 --> 01:13:10,553
- Yeah!
- Yeah! Yeah!
1054
01:13:10,637 --> 01:13:12,097
Betas win!
1055
01:13:20,230 --> 01:13:24,317
With the Greek Olympiad tied,
we now go into sudden death.
1056
01:13:30,240 --> 01:13:34,452
The final event is called
The Rise of Aphrodite.
1057
01:13:35,245 --> 01:13:37,914
Quite simply, the first man
1058
01:13:39,582 --> 01:13:44,546
who excretes his manly juices,
1059
01:13:44,629 --> 01:13:48,716
in the ejaculatory sense,
1060
01:13:50,051 --> 01:13:51,261
loses.
1061
01:13:59,978 --> 01:14:02,272
I cannot wait to see
you come in your pants.
1062
01:14:02,605 --> 01:14:03,815
Let's do this.
1063
01:14:15,493 --> 01:14:17,704
Pi is equal to 3.1415...
1064
01:14:17,787 --> 01:14:19,831
- No big deal at all.
- 5978...
1065
01:14:19,914 --> 01:14:22,417
I feel like Santa Claus
at the local shopping mall.
1066
01:14:26,671 --> 01:14:28,547
- That was nothing. I'm okay.
- That was nothing for me, either.
1067
01:14:28,548 --> 01:14:29,648
No big deal.
1068
01:14:31,843 --> 01:14:33,595
Shake that thing.
1069
01:14:45,440 --> 01:14:47,942
- I like your boobs.
- Look at this.
1070
01:14:48,026 --> 01:14:50,778
Pretend you're sucking my man breast!
1071
01:14:51,654 --> 01:14:54,949
Give it up, Stifler.
This is a game of mind over matter.
1072
01:14:55,033 --> 01:14:57,452
And my brain is way bigger than yours.
1073
01:14:57,535 --> 01:14:59,037
I've got experience on my side.
1074
01:14:59,120 --> 01:15:02,832
I'll take that over
your Vulcan mind tricks any day.
1075
01:15:02,916 --> 01:15:05,418
We shall see. Bring her in!
1076
01:15:06,544 --> 01:15:08,796
We flew this young lady in from Las Vegas.
1077
01:15:08,880 --> 01:15:11,799
She's the number one stripper
in the Emerald City.
1078
01:15:11,883 --> 01:15:13,384
Enjoy, Dwight.
1079
01:15:16,554 --> 01:15:17,764
Oh, no!
1080
01:15:19,224 --> 01:15:20,600
Good luck.
1081
01:15:27,106 --> 01:15:29,567
I'm in trouble here, boys.
1082
01:15:29,651 --> 01:15:32,362
This chick is ridiculous. Bring her in!
1083
01:15:32,445 --> 01:15:34,864
Code Red! Code Red!
1084
01:15:44,123 --> 01:15:45,750
What the fuck?
1085
01:15:49,420 --> 01:15:51,839
Look at my tail, Edgar.
1086
01:15:51,923 --> 01:15:53,925
Look how fluffy it is.
1087
01:15:55,552 --> 01:15:57,220
Somebody make her stop.
1088
01:15:57,303 --> 01:15:59,722
Edgar, you got a little wool
fetish, buddy?
1089
01:15:59,806 --> 01:16:03,268
No! Make her stop!
1090
01:16:10,358 --> 01:16:11,734
He's done.
1091
01:16:19,909 --> 01:16:21,286
Betas win.
1092
01:16:24,789 --> 01:16:29,919
Beta! Beta! Beta! Beta! Beta! Beta!
1093
01:16:39,470 --> 01:16:44,475
To the winners,
I now present the Golden Hammer!
1094
01:16:44,976 --> 01:16:46,686
To Beta House!
1095
01:16:48,354 --> 01:16:49,564
Beta, baby!
1096
01:16:49,647 --> 01:16:53,401
Congratulations, Stifler.
You've kept the Beta traditions alive.
1097
01:16:53,484 --> 01:16:56,738
- Thanks, Noah. Betas for life.
- Betas for life.
1098
01:17:05,788 --> 01:17:07,749
Now this is a frat party.
1099
01:17:07,832 --> 01:17:10,293
No. This is a Beta party.
1100
01:17:32,690 --> 01:17:36,194
- Hey, I got a little surprise for you.
- Yeah?
1101
01:17:38,529 --> 01:17:41,824
A little present for you being
so patient and understanding.
1102
01:17:42,367 --> 01:17:43,534
Okay.
1103
01:17:44,077 --> 01:17:47,622
- Are you ready for your present?
- I'm not sure.
1104
01:17:48,456 --> 01:17:52,669
I'm really confused right now,
and I'm trying to keep an open mind but...
1105
01:17:52,752 --> 01:17:56,589
Oh, man this is fucked up even for me.
1106
01:17:56,673 --> 01:17:58,383
Here it comes.
1107
01:17:58,466 --> 01:18:01,469
Oh, my God. If it's bigger than mine,
I swear, I'm gonna pass out.
1108
01:18:01,552 --> 01:18:03,888
I'm not wearing any panties.
1109
01:18:05,306 --> 01:18:07,975
Easy, Cooze. Everybody can see you.
1110
01:18:08,059 --> 01:18:11,228
Well, I'm sure we can find some place
around here with a little privacy.
1111
01:18:11,229 --> 01:18:13,189
- Okay.
- Let's go.
1112
01:18:14,691 --> 01:18:15,791
Come on.
1113
01:18:19,237 --> 01:18:23,074
- Where are you taking me?
- It's a surprise. You're gonna like it.
1114
01:18:33,376 --> 01:18:34,794
I'm nervous.
1115
01:18:35,336 --> 01:18:38,756
What are you talking about?
Everything's gonna be fine.
1116
01:18:38,840 --> 01:18:40,675
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
1117
01:18:47,724 --> 01:18:51,602
Why don't I take care of you.
1118
01:18:54,147 --> 01:18:55,606
Okay.
1119
01:18:56,774 --> 01:18:58,025
Okay.
1120
01:19:09,829 --> 01:19:11,122
Oh, my.
1121
01:19:14,333 --> 01:19:16,711
I can't! I can't!
1122
01:19:16,794 --> 01:19:18,421
Look, just let yourself go, baby.
1123
01:19:18,504 --> 01:19:21,549
There's nothing you can do
that's gonna surprise me. Okay?
1124
01:19:21,632 --> 01:19:23,384
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
1125
01:19:24,177 --> 01:19:25,386
Okay!
1126
01:19:29,307 --> 01:19:31,058
Why are you bringing me in here?
1127
01:19:31,142 --> 01:19:33,227
Well, this being our new house,
1128
01:19:33,311 --> 01:19:37,064
I thought I'd come up with my own task
for the pledge board.
1129
01:19:37,315 --> 01:19:39,734
Okay. What's that gonna be?
1130
01:19:41,027 --> 01:19:43,529
Well, I think it's kind of better if I...
1131
01:19:43,613 --> 01:19:45,239
If I show you.
1132
01:19:51,954 --> 01:19:54,081
Sex in a movie theater.
1133
01:19:54,165 --> 01:19:56,918
I like the way you think, Erik Stifler.
1134
01:20:13,017 --> 01:20:15,603
I'm coming! I'm coming!
1135
01:20:15,686 --> 01:20:17,355
I'm coming!
1136
01:20:19,315 --> 01:20:20,566
Oh, my...
1137
01:20:24,320 --> 01:20:26,823
Okay. I was a little surprised by that.
1138
01:20:26,906 --> 01:20:28,282
I'm sorry.
1139
01:20:29,033 --> 01:20:30,535
It's okay.
1140
01:20:33,162 --> 01:20:36,499
- It was actually really sexy.
- Really?
1141
01:20:36,582 --> 01:20:39,043
Yeah. Can you do that every time?
1142
01:20:40,086 --> 01:20:42,547
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah?
1143
01:20:42,630 --> 01:20:44,006
Oh, my God.
1144
01:20:54,725 --> 01:20:57,603
- Hey, buddy, take a little dip in the pool?
- Nope.
1145
01:20:57,687 --> 01:20:59,480
Oh, wait a minute.
1146
01:21:01,607 --> 01:21:04,944
Yes. The elusive female ejaculation.
1147
01:21:05,361 --> 01:21:07,446
Not a lot of girls can do that. Congrats.
1148
01:21:30,595 --> 01:21:32,680
Beta House fucking rules!
1149
01:22:36,160 --> 01:22:37,495
Yes!
1150
01:22:46,671 --> 01:22:48,255
Hey, big boy,
1151
01:22:49,006 --> 01:22:51,968
ready to fill me
up with some more protein?
1152
01:22:53,386 --> 01:22:55,972
No, no, no. No!
1153
01:23:00,351 --> 01:23:03,187
Yes, the Blackout Menace strikes again.
1154
01:28:10,536 --> 01:28:13,038
Wear this for your next dance, honey.
1155
01:28:13,122 --> 01:28:14,331
Thanks.